R A I N B O W. L I F E. P I L L S

Monday, February 28, 2005

listening to Ross Roy now.. aww.. i miss band. was talking with Chong Heng about bandmusic.. if i could.. i really wan to be back in band.. the feeling, of making music.. the intensity.. the sensitivity of the note, tone.. everything.. i'm missing.

a;right, bandmusic i'm missing playing....
*Persis by James L Hosay
*Ross Roy by Jacob De Haan
* Into the Joy of Spring by James Swearingen.

ya, strange enough that their name starts with J. they are the best! i grew up playing their music. well, mostly. *grinx*

was so glad that Charissa reply my email. thanks babe.. u never seems to let me know u are caring for me.. i mean, ur love and concern, are just so tangible. u and chun. yes.. my only beloved pals.. i swear. *smile*

i think i made too much noise in class.. well, i think i ought to appreciate silence more.. i wonder if i'm getting on people nerves when i get fed up with myself. so. let's just make it a point. be the silent partner. speak only when u ought to. keke. i will try.

*goosepimple!!!!* Ross Roy....... the clarinet part.. aww!!! come on baby~

alittle upset by the fact i get another person saying i'm a malay. *sigh* i got to learn to accept.. just be grateful when people wans to get tan but hard. and i'm the one with the blessed with natural tan.. yeah~ good way of consoling myself. :) upset even worse when i know i wan to lose wt, but cant seems to work anymore.. *double sigh* why cant i have the zest i used to have. the older i gets.. the harder it seems.. man. i know! i can! :) yeah~~~~~

@ 10:25 PM

Friday, February 25, 2005

To: Chunnie!

hey girlie, wonder will u pop by here to read this.. way back to melb, continue to flourish there.. and see u in just 12 weeks time.. i will be counting.. :)

thanks for everything. though we have been so ke qi with each other.. saying thanks and all. but deep in me, actually.. there's no need to say thanks to me anymore.. cux, our friendship doesnt need any of these. u know me, i know u. we are the walking living testimonials of those who wan to lose wt! ahahaha [though i plump back already] *sob* come on.. those days.. no space to even go out.. haahaha.. shall i post out past pict? keke.. till u agree. :)

*********************************************

have been so engrossed in playing N-Gage. had been asking to play with Darling.. keke, he never seems not to allow me to play! yeah! my playing is better! we are somehow competting in Sims! keke.. i like this game.. i played till 5am.. ya, astonished myself too.. play till tired also hack. this was bad. :) alright.. its my turn to play now..

tara!

@ 1:00 PM

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

after a super rotten hectic day of time wasting, seen through UMS the whole morning and afternoon... trying to figure out yet not knowing wad to do..

i'm in just not in the mood of doin UMS, studying and all. just by thinking of so many thngs that had happen, at home.. some times i thought.. mayB i'm just a person on loan to this earth. sad isnt it? cant think of anything. i feel rejected.

trying to make myself feel slightly a little better, but to no avail. shant go on. i will develop into a state of emotion..

guess sometimes there're things about me that only people around me can see and i'm oblivious to, simply because i don't want to admit that I HAVE FLAWS.

lmao. kidding about the last part. i'm obsessed with my flaws and blab about it endlessly and end up feeling miserable. i guess this is just a new phase of self-discovery that continues to plague me with shocking truths about myself. things that i myself don't know.

i'm scared. what's going to happen? poly terms coming to an end.. my ept coming, and i have yet to feel confident.

shucks. inferiority..

history is history. i got to move on. move on where i know, life for me is much better than yest. let not yest's mishappens be todays flaws.

@ 4:21 PM

Matthew 21:18-22

18 Early in the morning, as he was on his way back to the city, he was hungry. 19 Seeing a fig tree by the road, he went up to it but found nothing on it but leaves. Then he said to it, "May you never bear fruit again!" Immediately the tree withered.

20 When the disciples saw this, they were amazed. "How did the fig tree wither so quickly?" they asked.

21 Jeses replied, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, 'Go throw yourself into the sea, ' and it will be done.
22 If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer."

@ 1:18 PM

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

though it was a disappointment.. but its ok.. some how felt.. my prescene and the love from them aint that deep anymore.. are people getting more superficial? why is friendship becoming so apprehensive? *shrugx* i wonder. i thought, i would have my stc clinque down with me on 17th Feb. but, it dint happen. i thought, they remembered, but i doubt so. they dun feel it. i do. its being bottling down in my deepest thought.. and *shux* i cant bottled it down. anymore. sorry.

hard to accept, its my problem.
enough of my it all.
======================================

went to martin house today. together with vanessa and heng. :) i love his niece. her hair is so silky.. her voice is so arghh.. adorable. erica's the name.. erica kept singing to us.. and cooked some stuffs for us.. well, her toys which martin bought for her.. from there, i can sense martin love his niece alot. :) and the little babe, love his uncle too... aww.. so sweet. oh, we had starburst as well! manx, the sweet.. is heaven for me.. and guess wad. martin and heng loves it as well.. $5 like that gone.. *expensive*

we had loads of fun doin our project. though it was a hot afternoon, searching for the right stuffs.. but had tonnes of laughter. its our 3rd year together.. and i had know him for 3 total yrs, but its this last yr.. friendship blossom. well.. its not too late. still. *smile*

will upload the pics once martin send it to me.. funny clips.. which we laughed till cramps.

@ 10:22 PM

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Something to live by.
Little things are indeed little, but to be faithful in little things is a great thing.

@ 10:27 AM

Taken with Ms Goh.. at her place. :) Chun, Han, Me, Ms Goh and Penelope

This is Chun! my living testimonial.. :) lost so much wt.. with me.. :) memories.. *hmm, i should post our past pictures.. and let's all rolled into laughing..

She's the one.. who pester us to do batik.. who push my grade to a B3 in Art for Os.. my teacher and friend.. utmost respect.. love u ah-Goh Goh! keke

@ 9:27 AM

Blissful

had another round of gathering with chun, penelope, yihan and yingwen.. keke.. i'm glad this time round.. i met up with so many of my stc people.. they make me feel so whole, make me feel so home.. and most importantly, make me feel loved.. they laugh at my jokes, listened to our old tales.. all of it.. my trasures..

had so much fun with them.. all sitting in chun's car.. cramp and talking.. but it was worth it.. =)

though my click in stc is peng and mei.. but.. they seem further for me to reach, and the very fact.. my 21st.. they din make it.. duno why? but its ok.. i learnt to accept.. cant deny the fact that i was upset about wad had happened on my birthday. but, i had my time with dear as well.. so well, it neutrals off.. it doesnt realli matters anymore, if they reali had the heart to come anot.. aint anymore important. cux i learnt.. =)

well, enough of those 'i-feel-sad' stories.. haha.. went to see Miss Goh!.. aww.. my teacher, my mentor.. about everything. :) i miss her.. she taught me since sec 2.. and that was when i thought terror begins.. hahaha.. *grin* her stands and stoods.. her 'do-ur-batik'.. *faint* miss goh.. was my form teacher in sec 2.. music and art teacher in sec 3.. and art teacher in sec 4 and 5.. i seen her most of my time during stc days.. keke.. we used to detest her though.. cux, she's reali terrible when comes to saying about our art.. well.. now, we're more than friends.. we looked up to her and respect her.. :)when asked.. who in stc is worth goin back for visit.. defintely.. Miss Goh.. and Mrs Nicole Quek-Tan.. though Mrs tan is in California.. well, blessing with Adrian and Ian.. :)

just had breakfast with one of my most loved friend.. Chun.. she's leaving soon.. and be back soon as well :) darling girl.. time spent with u.. was reali nice.. just by havin breakfast.. our talks.. so that u and i wont be missed outin our lifes.. i'm glad i had u..

Char Darling girl.. i miss you.. i reali do.. u're my element girl.. my singing buddy.. :) i'm still waiting for ur return alright?

@ 9:11 AM

Friday, February 18, 2005

somethings which i wan to share.. keke.. :)

my 1st 3 presents.. necklance from darling, eeyore from lifang, and meaning of friends from aini.. :)

our ernie... trying to play game.. k, its Vincent's doing..

@ 2:51 PM

Here are some pictures.. the moments..

My cake! eeyore..

man of my life.. darling! mr donkey~

*wee* candle lights..

slaye time! strawberry and more strawberries!

@ 2:34 PM

it was my 21st birthday.. and i received present 2days before it.. Aini Babe, Lifang and Sis got me.. and i feel so much loved.. they remembered and makes me feel so special about everything...

friends did asked.. 'hey.. wad's ur big bang on ur birthday?' i used to be afriad of answering.. the very fact that.. i do not have a big bang or hoo haa celebration.. but no longer :) though i had a simple celebration, i'm glad enough.. serious.. that i had one with hubby.. darling was so guilty when things din realli work out and he was so worried that i would be disspointed.. well.. dear, i'm not.. was just uploading the pictures and looking through.. i'm reali happy.. i'm realli satisfied.. realli.. though friends may have somehow forsaken or not-free.. its ok.. doesnt reali matters.. wad matters most.. it was entirely u and me. for my 21st. *contended*

Everything was budget budget.. but i still got a big cake.. and! keke, its my fav cartoon.. ops.. its Eeyore, and lifang babe actually bought a eeyore soft toy for me.. keke.. so sweet. Joseph was the funny one.. counting down my birthday for me.. haha.. thanks... =) i was also counting down.. when u started.. Chun called me and wished me as well.. keke, thoughts that count.. thanks so much friends.. that i sense so much love from u guys.. just by typing.. i'm goin to tear.. aww. darlings.. thank you so much..

To Darling.. my Donkey, who bought me a donkey cake.. dear, thank u so much.. reali.. the preparation u had in mind.. touched me.. the very 1st thing is u din want to disappoint me was so obvious.. and the answer is.. i'm not a least disappointed.. not at all.. i had tonnes of happiness instill in me on this special day.. :) and i'm glad.. its u and me.. yes.. its true.. i love u, and i wont trade u for anything else.. to God i commit our relationship, to be crafted in His ultimate plan.. to u, i commit my love.. pray that my love tank will just be so fullfilled and never a drip missing.. pray that i will just continually be falling in love with u.. :)

To Chun: u are such a darling to me.. u always make me feel so special and i'm also affirmed that our friendship is always so firm. just by letting Christ be in charge. :)

To Char: darling.. u remembered like 1 week before my birthday and smsed me.. =) *touched* how i wish u are reali here.. cux i know no matter how tight ur schedule or wad.. u wil surely make ur way down.. :) i know u will, cux i know its just u.. :) love u wholeheartedly girl..

To Yihan & YingWen: aww.. u girls are simply so sweet alright? so so sweet.. u girls! though not reali in contact, but u all remembered, went to get a present for me.. how much can i ask? i simply love u all..

To Lifang: Babe.. u know me well though u are on the silent side.. got me the stuffs i loved most! was so fascinated when i open ur present.. i was like 'eh! how she knows?' haha.. but girl.. thanks.. i love it.. u knew it..

To Aini: u are one girl in poly i treasure.. reali.. the one, that i will ask for recipes.. haha.. u specially got me a present, and its so sweet.. telling me that i'm a so worthwhile friend.. thanks babe.. :)

To Vanessa: Darling babe.. my darling in class.. gave me a fartzone door knob thingy.. haha.. had a good laugh when i sees it.. thanks babe.. appreciate it.. u did the extra effort to make me feel special in class.. the very fact, i got a present in a zip lock bag.. *laughx*

To Penelope, Yoke Yee, Huimei, Aipeng, Pea Brain, Benson, Wanie, HakWei, Andy, WenWei.. thanks for the sms.. u guys remembered.. makes me feel special.. it brought a smile to me.. yes, all of it..

To Raymond, WeeTong, Liru, ... hey.. a warm handshake greeting.. the assurance that friends around is an essential. :)
thanks for all of that.. deep in me, the bottom of my heart. its a heartful full of thanks..

suddenly, feelings of happiness, blessed.. contended surge in me.. i seemed to have engulfed into blissfulness.. well.. i know i had it.. guys, be happy of wad u have.. and treasure.. time is no discount.. treasure every moment.. :)

@ 2:00 PM

Monday, February 14, 2005

.:My Flower!:.

@ 11:57 PM

21st June 2001

If love has a face,

then let it be you...

If love has a smile,

let is be yours...

If love has a heart,

then it must be yours beating in the night...

If love has a soul,

then it must be yours singing all the time...

If I am in love,

then it has to be with you, always...

I am in love with you...

Darling, Happy Valentine's Day.. *meowmeow* :)

@ 11:02 AM

.:The Gift of my LifeTime:.

@ 11:01 AM

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Confession

Confession is not telling God what we did.
He already knows.

Confession is simply agreeing with God
that our acts were wrong.

How can God heal when we deny?

How can God grant us pardon
when we won't admit our guilt?

@ 9:40 PM

Saturday, February 12, 2005

stc darlings... a get together...
..::*memories*::..

@ 11:56 PM

Friday, February 11, 2005

Boring

was just surfing through the website for blogskins.. and it seems that most of the sites are under construction.. well... blog seems to be the next thing on my mind.. here goes..

The word is

BORED

Vince is in school, doin proj on the 3rd day of lunar new year.. so poor thing.. i somehow developed this love-hate feeling towards him.. love him and super much more when i'm with him, enjoying every moment spent together. hate him, when he's off my sight, when he's busy with his stuffs and i have to understand.. is this love? or is it i-come-out-of-it? well.. He's just my pudding loving Big Pie, which gears me on.

in another less than 6 months time, darling will be committing to army.. and i have to learn the days without him by my side, yet on my mind.. the time i have to be independent.. aww, sure, pray that time for this will not pass that fast, let army wait, though vince is looking forward..

@ 12:50 PM

Fatten by every mouthful

Went to Darling's place, aunt's place for the 1st 2 days of new year.. one to see around his family people and to mingle around.. and of course, the ang baos.. =) but, i'm glad... most of them have registered us, me and Vince, as a couple.. and the most important thing is that they accepted me..

Had such contact with 2 dogs.. and they are so much difference in size.. keke, one is Husky aww, she's such a babe.. reali pretty.. but i'm just fear of that big size.. and her eyes one is black and one is white.. wasnt at ease when i watch her.. Husky seems to greet us when we came in.. u know when dogs sing? their head will see the sky and 'sing' hahhaa... al of us had a good laugh.. =)

ever since reunion dinner, i din had a chance to feel hungry.. manx.. its always food everytime, everywhere... hahaa.. had tonnes of pastry and food.. and i feel fat everytime i savour anything. but its just obligation to eat. its NEW YEAR planning to lose wt, just be in mind after that.. haha..

Though my BIg 21st is approaching.. and people whos 21st are planning their big birthday bash and everything.. i do not have one.. just me and darling is satisfying.. din wan to be a big hoo hoo har har kind of stuffs.. money is one factor to have a party and well..i've come to realise, its not money that will bring u happiness, the sastifaction.. yes, it might bring satisfaction of life, the things that money can get.. but it just cant get the simple meaning of life and love, feelings..

Its ok.. i know Vince has something in mind.. i'm happy.. =) .enough.

@ 11:32 AM

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

One More Day!

yeah~ New year is coming.. one season i guess many of us would be anticipating.. keke..

just how time past by so fast.. that i couldnt trade anything back for time.. turn back time, when new year was here.. i always sees adults as those 'cai shen ye' [prosperity god] cux, they will surely give angbao, and i'm richer by every additional packets.. keke, though grown up.. the idea still exist.. =)

Went to Sheng Song and get last min stuffs for new year, though this yr's stuff seems to decrese so much.. and most of it is sis and me who fork out.. but i guess, all of us is happy.. Chris and Dear had talk about army, enlightening which path is good.. i'm happy.. =) Darling is so sociable.. and lovable.. everyone seems to click and goes along well with him.. keke.. better not praise.. his head will bloat.. ops..

ReuinonDinner... Dinners where every family will have steamboat.. well, my case.. i do the cooking~ normal dishes. Mum, Sis, Chris and Dear will be all participating.. keke.. so looking forward.. tomoro will be a hectic day..

The last thing i would want to happen.. is to gain wt, was a little upset to see myself like bloated penguin.. haha.. wel, not funny... i reali dislike the way i am feeling.. just a fact.. i cant accept myself.. *frown* though bible did mention not to envy.. and i tried to accept myself.. but, trying and convincing just dun reali merge well. do they? sometimes, my brain and my heart just dun act likewise.. should i just bump off the idea of losing wt, or should i be persistant to lose wt.. if reali hold on.. this would be the...[counting] 5th year i wan to lose wt, counting calories and exercising to the core.. *scream* the process is painful. =( its ok.. i noe i will be out of it.. soon.. *wink*

Tell me i'm beautiful.. cux i am! =)

@ 1:59 AM

..::Lyrics::..

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

@ 1:20 AM

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Chinese New Year!

New year is approaching.. and my family is busy baking.. well, had a alot of buckets of pineapple tarts... the sight of it... *satifaction*

Had sis and her boyfriend, Chris, to help out.. i din do much though, just instructing.. many things broke out.. funny yet treasuring.. used up a whole lot of 8 blocks of butter.. manx.. i got to buy again, cux there's still more to go.. *wink*

Everytime when the tarts are ready to be out from oven.. aww.. the smell... was amazing.. neighbours walk past and glimpse through our window and doors.. proud smiles presented.. perhaps, we shal just give some away.. =)

Funny incident.. perhaps Chris was too tired, kneading and preparing the dough till he actually used one whole large lump of it and pressed to become a shape of dice.. yeah, those big dice... in it still pineapple paste.. manx... mum had a good laugh as well..

backache... after doin continuously for hours.. i was tasked again to cooking dinner for family.. *smile* i dun mind.. dun find it a hassel or wadsoever.. i enjoy cooking and especially to my family and friends.. and darling..though not sumpteous, but all of us.. had extra servings... =) pleasant feeling...

Darling's in chalet.. and i miss him loads.. though just a few days of not meeting.. but when all of us are baking.. how i wish just, he was here with me.. meowing with me.. encouraging and helping out.. but i know he's having fun.. just can see how much he loves that class...[sometimes, i thought.. does he love his class more than me] hahaha... well.. the ans is obvious.. its me! ok ok.. gotta pack.

Cherish ur family and love ones.. because life is just a process of learning. learn to be a better u than yesterday... isnt it? =) love u! anyone who's reading...

@ 10:55 AM

Saturday, February 05, 2005

CLAP

So many things happened.. but all are good news stuffs.. =) went to visit my a-kong yest and pass him pineapple tarts.. keke..
was sitting bus 72 from school.. had a long ride, stuff my ear with mp3.. and so many things went through my mind.. passin through so many estates, so many pastures.. i feel.. loads of emotion just surged in me.. how loved i've got.. no matter wad happens.. i know.. i have Vincent's love here with me.. i have my grandpa's love who is praying for me everyday..

had loads of time to yest.. cux Ang Beng Hoe ended tutorial earli.. so was just shopping around before meeting sheila and gang.. had a fruitful s'shopping' though. keke, bought something i like alot.. yeah~ oh.. i am searching for a Adidas Bag! yeah~ *hint*

When time strikes 6.45pm.. queensway.. that's when laughter start throughout the night.. saw sheila.. she's still so stunning.. love her so much.. though we have not meet each other for years, but certainly nothing changed much.. i feel so 'ivy' when i'm with stc girls.. they're just in my flow.. *love girls* had so much talks over the table, rachel order yu shen.. and we are like, 1st time? throwing food, while i video-clipped it.. a session not to be missed.. =)

it din end just there! went to Holland for coffee.. actually wan to head to duno wad called budan budan? than it was full house.. went to another place, and we had the whole couch! yeah~ the whole place, onli us sat on the couch.. and lazing around was the next thing..

Looking back now, recalling... i miss Joaana and Sheila alot.. they both had been my partners.. horrible partners.. how sheila taught, or rather scold, me to run faster and how joanna taught me to be messy.. ahaha... those were times..

any of u, 5 Joanerx of 2001. STC.. girls.. i love u.. i truly do.. u girls whole so much of me.. the place where u all mould my horrendous laughter, and led out during gathering once more.. that was something.. i've been missing.. =)

reached home around 2 plus.. thanks to rachel who drive me home specially. feel so loved.. they are one bunch that will just go to the other extra mile for u.. =) all of us is precious.. no matter wad..

cux i have learnt.. in STC.. that friends are reali worth keeping.. they are a part of us.

@ 6:10 PM