R A I N B O W. L I F E. P I L L S

Sunday, July 24, 2005

contentment entry

i guess i missed those gluttony times...
went to chomp chomp with vincent on sat. goSh, there are people everywhere. its too crowded.

still, we managed to get a seat. hubby went to order while i wait in anxiety. yes, i just cant wait to eat. hahahaa... it was really fullfilling, we din managed to finish all. we finish the ones hubby order yet wad i order... we cant finish. ha. i was too greedy. darn.

tomoro's monday.. and i'm looking forward for wed. (: the day when i get to see hubby again.

i guess i am too dependent on vincent. i just look forward for weekends, or days that he will be out and spent time with him. i enjoyed being with him and feeling so loved by him. he's good. someone that loves me alot and accept all my wrong doings. wad more shall i ask or seek? when God just place a man of my life for me 4 yrs back. i am more than willing to sacrifice anything just for the sake of our relationship... no explanations needed.. i love him. and i need him. (:

darling has been slimmin down. his weight is down so much till i cant grasp for acceptance. i'm definitely happy for him and love him losing cux of health. he's lookin great and he loves the way he's losing.

but on the other hand. i'm worried.. that he'll forsake me for another girl, cux i'm not prettier than those girls out there. i have this stupidity feeling, such inferiority feelings... i did confess to him. but i think it boils his blood. i shouldn't have doubt him. but its me that i cant accept.. its wierd. this feeling has been bugging me. just cant shake it off. shitty. i just have to change the mentality before wad i say becomes reality... here it goes again. *frown*

i will get over it. i am beautiful, no matter wad they say..

They can say,
anything they wan to say.
try to put me down.

but i will not allow
anyone to succeed,
hanging clouds over me.

@ 7:00 PM

Friday, July 22, 2005

drag day.. the time seems to tick so slowly. i'm doin my stuffs at those super slow mode. tonnes to be done, yet at the speed. everyone's this speed. its thursday.. but, well.. i knocked off at 8pm today. got a earli release grant. (: loving it.

as usual, knocked off and head home. oh, bought some soya milk from fairprice..(its for my breakfast. *hee) was just half daze in train, lookin at my reflection to see how much weight i gained.. than my phone rang...

its joseph. ha.. 'wads with the bag?' i knew he's somewhere near me.. yes very near. he's behind me. we blocked by the door. just had a glance of him. funny.. that is, i'm seated and he's just walked out from the train. got it? nvm... 2 yrs back, when we are all mugging with projects and sch. now? is sch better? i beg to differ. when we all graduated from poly. it seems that we shut ourselves from other pple. its my world, its ur world. i'm not very sure about the other poly mates, their lives and so on. guess by knowing is reading.. reading elses blog. (:

i do treasure those times. but its those times only to be remembered and cherished. like wad i did for my stc days. time waits for no one. its here, its gone.

Getting ahead in a difficult profession requires avid faith in yourself. That is why some people with mediocre talent, but with great inner drive, go much further than people with vastly superior talent.

er. nothing.

@ 12:16 AM

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Living apart and at peace with myself, I came to realize more vividly the meaning of the doctrine of acceptance. To refrain from giving advice, to refrain from meddling in the affairs of others, to refrain, even though the motives be the highest, from tampering with another's way of life - so simple, yet so difficult for an active spirit. Hands off!
Henry Miller

being concern and being a nosey poker just mean a straight line of difference. and the line is very clear cut and as well sensitive. living at peace with myself may be good, yet situation stirs up different emotions. answering a call full with hope and service, ended up at the other end, a nasty cust... it can somehow ruin the rest of the day. aint it? *shrugx*

am i making sense? guess i understand myself. would be enough.

i hate the days of having period. stupid cramps and those high craving temptations of choc and sweets. they're never-ending... being a woman... thats the price. good old woman.

oh, i got my name badge for work. so happy. so classy can. though not the confirm designation, but! so happening. cant wait to wear it. shirley din really like the tag thingy, but i thought its a higher service and higher aspect. is it? or its only my own thinking. tomoro's thursday. hmm.. short day yet things to be done. hopefully. done in a jiffy and not delay my time. haha.. wanna catch my 'Lost' show on channel 5. so exciting.. they're reaching the climax. ooOoohHHh...

i am physically tired.. but pushing myself to gym tomoro. come to realise this morning that many of the ladies at amore actually drag themselves to exercise. they just want to make their money worth while. i'm one of them. but its good. we're stil exercising. (: smile...

alrighty. pen off here. ivy's gonna hit the sacks soon. tired.

@ 10:34 PM

i am Very Happy!.. something that has bothering me for the past month has finally gotten off. big big smile :D the day started well and went along even better. hurhur...

cleared my wordrobe and found that i have many clothes that have not being wear or not worn a long time. i shall just stop buying anymore. the promise i have with vincent. (: yesh darling, i Will keep it one. meow...

i am really waiting for the pay slip to be here.. than i will be some how feeling better with money. not being money minded. working is good and tough. not livin on parents yet paying for electricity bills, i guess.. i'm left with very little money on my own. sad to say. its ok! its short term. once financial is stable, everything's stable.. hope so. lets just believe and not say things just to comfort. sigh.

now that the thing that is troublin me is gone... i shall live life with a huge smile and heart. (: loving people, grandpa and hubby! keke. toasties!

@ 5:34 PM

Monday, July 18, 2005

day starts off well... ran 2km on the machine.. and did some weights..
was looking forward.. shower! the spa shower tap, wooHoo.. i really enjoy bathing at amore..

but, i guess my mind was a little hustle. went to the bathroom, had the shower i wanted. than i realise... i forgotten to bring my towel into the bathroom. my actions was like.. 'shitty'. being total wetness, i put on my gym wear. yes.. all the sweat is on me, again after the bath. i guess i was too kan chiong.. i pull open the glass door and the edge actually swiped past my left toe. ouch! i tell u, the feeling can send breakdown to ur body. so tongful. anyway, i knew my goal is to get my towel. and i get it fast with my wet and smelly body. i feel dirty again.
dashed off to the bathroom again. blood was all over the floor. yes, my toe is bleeding.. and i went wobbly. pain was written over my face. got my face towel, trying to dry up the blood.. terrible.........

head to office with slight limp. it hurts with heels. reached there and did my weekly report. every monday was a day of rush and assesment to meet. report tally. i mean, reportS. i have to do 5 reports every monday. no wonder its called monday blues.

hubby is in field camp. well, he said he could lose up to 10kgs in the camp. how i wish i could go as well.. minus off those time when u cant go bathe and poo poo. (: he smuggle some chocs in. well, i hope that serves well with his bunkmate. things are goin very well. and i always look forward meeting him every weekend. :) keke.. meow?

alrighty. i shall continue to see my recorded show. :)

@ 9:23 PM

Thursday, July 14, 2005

visited ah kong for the past 2 days.. he seems well, just a little slower in action.
i've been talking to him non-stop, so as to make his brain think..

i even test him on multiplication tables.. he answer swiftly. he's good manx.. (:
my grandpa is biligual? triligual? he knows many languages and is one of the elderly there that is well educated. aint i proud? he know, english, chinese, most of the dialect, malay, jap. this is enough. keke... other kongs kongs and ah mas, will say to me.. 'ur grandpa very smart, can read and speak english!' hahaha.. i love my grandpa alot. he's my only kin now, i think i shower my love so much on. its worth it. cux i see him showering his love in my tender yrs.

my stomach is protesting now.. feeling a little hungry, but i wan to save the hunger till 7pm. keke, can eat and watch tv the same time.. bought soya beancurd and min jiang kueh.. ahhhh.. hungry!

waiting for sat.. and having reunion with hubby! keke. this's week pretty brezze for him.. goin to have his field camp next week. where he claim will have a major change in him.. cux, they cant bathe.. and so on.. lets see. (: *meow!

chatting with my pri friend. the yrs of pri 1 when we challenge each other racing and so on.. hillarious. that was like 13 straight yrs back. and now, we are chatting online. friends, we have loads of them. but truly stays in ur heart are only a few.

for my case, i have several bossom friends which we called clique in sec sch. but, time past to show. clinques to break off here and there. and truly stays with me, loving and caring about my existence.. are only charissa and chun fei. 2 is enough. i wouldnt dare to ask for more or neither less. they're impt to me. hee..

@ 6:04 PM

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

i wonder if it's too late to give a damn again.
had a fitful sleep just because of wad had affected me during work.
i felt terribly accused and blamed at. which i dun think i done any wrong.

but its over. i shant brood over it. for too long.

ya, its me again.

there's something wrong with my phone, it says system error whenever i wan to switch the camera on. went to the nearest handphone shop and enquire. they're smart, they might think i'm stupid. try to con me by saying 'fix ur memory card' when i know exactly that there's a button that says "Refomat mem card". i walked off, and he seems startled. now its his turn to think... that he's the stupid one. *cHhuklex*

unknowingly, i have worked for 3 months? and everything is kinda smooth, getting on hand. and had a couple of trainings with people. well.. i learnt so much in this company. had one just recent about personality. well, i guess.. my zone have a couple of 'stress' people. my superior is. she's a perfectionist. and most of time. she din know she's adding pressure to us. good news? or bad? *shrugx* but at least, i'm getting used to it. (our center is the most prosperus!) <- aint i proud to name that out? (:

i have been feeling very thristy these days. wonder wad's in me again.

went to poly to collect my diploma cert. well, it wasnt laminated and, i hold in my hands, feeling contended and assured that all the 3 yrs was worth it.. i did enjoyed myself in poly. know so many fwens, that had one way or another crafted another side of me. thanks babes and hunks.

sad thing is that, i'm not attending the grad ceremony. u guys have fun. have truckloads of laughter and paddle on with ur life. pray that its beautifully crafted and let it be worry-free. cux He's in charge. i shant say more, or i will feel being as a... nvm.

i seriously think i need another cup of drink.

nite people. will update.

@ 11:52 PM

Sunday, July 10, 2005

just packed my room. was packed with so many stuffs, on the floor, on the table.. messy!

my knee hurts, wonder did i pull any muscle or something. shucks. better let not anything happen..

had my class gathering with 5 joanerx at cafe cartel. its was fun. seeing farmiliar faces, and faces that have been missing for 4 yrs.. peggy, shuxin and rest.. they're the same. (: gathering is all about food huh? where's their food. i will be there! hee

spend my weekend so worthwhile. bet hubby is readin now. i only get to see him onli in weekends. and i would surely make sure i have this time spent entirely with him. but sometimes, my job permits. sometimes, job suckx... 15 more working days to my pay slip! hee

busy is the word. ever since the merger, there's tonnes of work to be done. account submittion is up on my head. shirley naggin and rushing for my work. its always not enough time. while other centers.. have more than enough time. i constantly tell myself, its ok.. after july, i will be more than relax. how i wish this will happen. as if.

having a sore throat.. guess it must have been last night snack. ops.. yes, i went binging again. with hubby. loackers, twisties.. yummy manx.. i got tempted, just like that. and i succumb so happily. not realising, hubby is lookin at me. cux its my who finish up while watching tv. shucks. i scare him. hahahaha. he lost a hefty 7kgs, and i'm so proud of him. and i love to bits when he assure me that he wil not go after other girls should he became one tanned and slim shady man. i belived him, cux i belived my destiny with him has already built on rock. (:

alright, i got to sleep..

@ 11:07 PM